Without this insight into the nature of men, it’s very easy for a woman unknowingly and
unintentionally to hurt and offend the man she loves most.
For example, Tom and Mary were going to a party. Tom was driving. After about twenty minutes
and going around the same block a few times, it was clear to Mary that Tom was lost. She finally
suggested that he call for help. Tom became very silent. They eventually arrived at the party, but the
tension from that moment persisted the whole evening. Mary had no idea of why he was so upset.
From her side she was saying “I love and care about you, so I am offering you this help.”
From his side, he was offended. What he heard was “I don’t trust you to get us there. You are
incompetent!”
Without knowing about life on Mars, Mary could not appreciate how important it was for Tom to
accomplish his goal without help. Offering advice was the ultimate insult. As we have explored,
Martians never offer advice unless asked. A way of honoring another Martian is always to assume he
can solve his problem unless he is asking for help.
Mary had no idea that when Tom became lost and started circling the same block, it was a very
special opportunity to love and support him. At that time he was particularly vulnerable and needed
some extra love. To honor him by not offering advice would have been a gift equivalent to his buying
her a beautiful bouquet of flowers or writing her a love note.
After learning about Martians and Venusians, Mary learned how to support Tom at such difficult
times. The next time he was lost, instead of offering “help” she restrained herself from offering any
advice, took a deep relaxing breath, and appreciated in her heart what Tom was trying to do for her.
Tom greatly appreciated her warm acceptance and trust.
Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to “help” a man, she has no
idea of how critical and unloving she may sound to him. Even though her intent is loving, her
suggestions do offend and hurt. His reaction may be strong, especially if he felt criticized as a child
or he experienced his father being criticized by his mother.
unintentionally to hurt and offend the man she loves most.
For example, Tom and Mary were going to a party. Tom was driving. After about twenty minutes
and going around the same block a few times, it was clear to Mary that Tom was lost. She finally
suggested that he call for help. Tom became very silent. They eventually arrived at the party, but the
tension from that moment persisted the whole evening. Mary had no idea of why he was so upset.
From her side she was saying “I love and care about you, so I am offering you this help.”
From his side, he was offended. What he heard was “I don’t trust you to get us there. You are
incompetent!”
Without knowing about life on Mars, Mary could not appreciate how important it was for Tom to
accomplish his goal without help. Offering advice was the ultimate insult. As we have explored,
Martians never offer advice unless asked. A way of honoring another Martian is always to assume he
can solve his problem unless he is asking for help.
Mary had no idea that when Tom became lost and started circling the same block, it was a very
special opportunity to love and support him. At that time he was particularly vulnerable and needed
some extra love. To honor him by not offering advice would have been a gift equivalent to his buying
her a beautiful bouquet of flowers or writing her a love note.
After learning about Martians and Venusians, Mary learned how to support Tom at such difficult
times. The next time he was lost, instead of offering “help” she restrained herself from offering any
advice, took a deep relaxing breath, and appreciated in her heart what Tom was trying to do for her.
Tom greatly appreciated her warm acceptance and trust.
Generally speaking, when a woman offers unsolicited advice or tries to “help” a man, she has no
idea of how critical and unloving she may sound to him. Even though her intent is loving, her
suggestions do offend and hurt. His reaction may be strong, especially if he felt criticized as a child
or he experienced his father being criticized by his mother.
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